A compendium of gentle tips and straightforward recipes for those who never seem to help out in the kitchen

We all have a person in our lives who fails dramatically in the kitchen. They never seem to know how to take the f*cking initiative without asking hundreds of questions they've already asked a thousand f*cking times in the past. It's time for that to end all thanks to the It's Your F*cking Turn To Cook cookbook.

All the answers to kitchen questions are laid out with some plain -- oh god, so plain -- English recipes. Treat yourself, allow that special person to have a read through this book, and let's see if they can finally take the f*cking hint.

An Introduction from Mrs Deidre Gay-Abel

The It's Your F*cking Turn to Cook cookbook conveniently collates my forty-odd years of experience as a Domestic F*cking Goddess to provide all the information you need to perform like a functioning adult in the kitchen, rather than acting like an intolerable twat. Each recipe is a complete set of instructions to prepare a straightforward meal, as I would usually respond to the phrase 'I don't know what to cook'.

Predictably, some readers will still have some reservations and apprehensions about the prospect of making their own way in the kitchen, and I've found the best advice for you is to f*cking suck it up. You've had years of experience eating food lovingly prepared for you, so you should already know how it should look and how it should taste. Now you have this cookbook and the opportunity to get as much experience as you want. You are set to f*cking cook. So tell the DFG who usually cooks your meals to rest easy as you'll do dinner tonight, and get your arse into the kitchen.